Saturday, August 15, 2009

"This is his Cape Cod..."

Someone once said that they'd learned never to invest too much emotion into one thing, because it's just a set up for the failure of losing it. Which is true, if you think about it. It's far easier to make your way in the world without investing too much of your emotions into people because sooner or later they will exit your life as soon as they've entered. And for someone who is now sitting alone in the vacant Ranch lodge, having just said goodbye to four people I spent 3 months with, it makes sense.
But there is a snare in that one little piece of advice.
Change.
On one hand, you could take that advice and forgo the heartbreak in goodbyes and come out perfectly unscathed. But you would not have changed. You would not have grown. And that is why we let people into our lives even if we know we're going to turn around and watch them exit; because new people bring inevitable changes that make us reevaluate our current circumstances. They challenege us.
And that is what I've learned from watching a total of 5 cars and a couple of planes take off into those Tetons. I've grown.
I have many layers, and living here has allowed me to recognize and accept those layers. I can be southern, artsy, and western all at the same time. I can love Lilly Pulitzer, but hate those annoying "Carolina Girl" bumper stickers. My cowboy boots can be both for visiting chicken coops and heading to a frat party. I can love both Dave Stamey's music and Akon. I'm not one way or the other.
Now I'm not going to pretend that I'm sitting here perfectly happy without everyone. Because I'm not. Nameless mail cubbies in the EDR seem to mimick that empty void I feel. But-- everything is much more beautiful to me now, knowing that I will miss these things.
And I will miss things.
I will miss the sound of spurs jingling down the hallway
I will miss watching the horses being wrangled to the pastures.
I will miss the cold at night and the heat during the day.
I will miss bear spray.
I will miss bonfires.
I will miss the sound of diesel trucks on the road.
I will miss juke boxes at togwatee.
I will miss rodeos.
I will miss the smell of that plant that is still unidentified.
I will miss watching shooting stars.
I will miss the ducks.
I will miss snake river lager.
I will miss the smell of a saddle.
I will miss the smell of a wrangler.
I will miss my camping chairs.
I will miss gravel roads.
I will miss jackson hole
and most off all,
I will miss the Tetons.

But I say all this knowing it's not the last time I will experience all of those things. Which, brings me to the title of this blog--Amy once explained Zach's love for Wyoming as an analogy to her love for Cape Cod. Cape Cod is her haven, her escape. This is Zach's haven and subsequently his Cape Cod.
This is my Cape Cod.

1 comment:

  1. Wyoming is my Cape Cod too.

    I love you Fin Fin.

    This post has me crying. Now... I'm on to read more :)

    Looooove T2

    ReplyDelete