Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Number one: My advice for the day is never (NEVER) ask a wrangler (cowboy) about his life story. He will talk to you for hours. Especially if his name is Denis. Denis will take days. Don't do it. Just don't.

Second, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, SO this post is going to be EXTRA long. Wow I really like using the all caps today.

Now to my epic story of last week. Last Wednesday the weather was nice (as in it didn't rain) so the staff decided to have a bonfire down by the river (our usual spot). Well needless to say, it got a little crazy (give cowboys a keg and...) at one point I looked up and saw one of the wranglers, Luke, had climbed up to the top of a tree...in the pitch black darkness. He then proceeded to stand out on the tree limb and make pelvic thrusts toward the tree trunk. While making pelvic thrusts he proceeded to shout "Hey look at me! I'm a hippie!" (get it? tree ______ fill in the blank). As the bonfire continued, I got a lesson on how to pack dip (Skoal to be exact). Now here's where I pause for Susan and Dickie. Parents: I am in no way shape or form dabbing in harmful substances. I just now know to do that cool flickie thingie with the Skoal can. ANYWHO as midnight neared, we decided to head back. However, apparently it is customary that on the way back from a bonfire, everyone stops their cars on the road and has a spontaneous dance party. Well we did. I was flung about by a drunken cowboy. Oh fun. But I digress. When we got back--a nameless intoxicated wrangler (he was over 21 mom) shouts "HOT TUB!!" Well, I had the wonderful sense to say to myself "Dear Findley. It is freezing. It is late. Do not get in that hot tub because you will come down with the sniffles." SO a couple of us girls just decided to watch (laugh) at these wranglers stripping down to their skimmies and jumping in the hot tub. APPARENTLY sometime while I turned around to walk back a wrangler had gotten out of the hot tub and behind me. He then had the brilliant plan to throw (not pull, push, shove, drag, carry) but THROW me into the hot tub. Fully clothed. Brilliant. I woke up with a cold the next morning.

Now onto my second epic story. Susan, please don't be angry with me for not mentioning this earlier, but it's a lot easier to tell you I was thrown off a horse via internet than phone because you will ask zillions of questions. So there it is. I was thrown (ok more like fell) off a horse Sunday afternoon. The story goes: we decided to take a long trail ride on our day off on Sunday. Denis, one of the wranglers, took us through this absolutely BEAUTIFUL trail where we were on top of a mountain on a field with flowers, etc etc (at one point I started to spin around like in the sound of music. I got to "the hills are ali--" until I tripped on a rock). My horse was called Bridger. Bridge and I had gotten along pretty well. He was pretty pokey going up hills so I figured aww I don't have to worry about anything with him. Apparently not. As we neared the end of our trail ride, we rode through a meadow with other wild horses. Bridger got a little spooked (that was an understatement). He took off galloping. Now, I have learned to gallop, and I'm actually pretty good. But this horse was booking it. I could have controlled him, but unfortunately there was a tree with pointy branches that was getting ever so closer by the second. Bridger did not respond to my multiple and furious attempts at reigning him, so I did what I do best: fall off things. According to everyone else, it was a graceful fall. I disagree. Or at least, I know they're being nice. Because I heard them laughing. Needless to say, I'M FINE. The only bruise I walked away with is my ego.

And now lastly, my story of the day:
Kids are finally here (hooray). We are not Karen's bitches anymore (ish). So, Amy and I decided to take some of the kids to play with the kittens around the barn. It was beautiful day so we took them out on the barn steps to watch the horses as well. As we got settled and the kids began observing the horses, Amy and I noticed something a little strange. And by strange, I mean that the two (and the only two horses) in front of us were CLEARLY in heat. Read between the lines. After exchanging awkward glances, we decided to nonchalantly take the kids back inside the barn until one of them decides to point out his (and our) observation to the rest of the pack. He simply asks "Why are those horses acting weird?" Here is where I calmly and collectively thought about my options. I could not divulge into the whole birds and bees talk, so I was prepared just to give a talk on horse behavior blah blah blah. However, Amy (under the intense stress of the question) responds (blurts out ) "They have Swine Flu!!".............
...................Swine flu? Swine flu?!!? That's what she came up with?! Geez. There was lot of explaining left to do after that.

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